A thought triggered by a song • 13 December 2019

Monday Michiru (Monday満ちる) - ‘Sands Of Time’ (aka quite an old song)

There are things in this life that I clearly know I own. And oddly enough, they’re not exactly material things, but I have no general term to describe them, as they’re a mix of things that don’t necessarily come in material form, but they are tangible in the way that they are felt alive through my senses. One of those things is being made teary-eyed and extremely emotional (without much physical expression, though my insides are hyperactive, whilst overwhelmed~) by some songs.

Monday Michiru was an MTV (literally, that TV channel that plays almost only music videos back in the day) staple during the ‘90s, so she takes up her own little box in my mind space of childhood memories. There’s something about the thought of her that makes me smell something nicely warm under my nose (like a light scent of cinnamon or caramelly hot chocolate), with the feeling of gentle wind lightly touching my skin. It’s an odd thing to have feelings this way, because it’s not synesthesia (one can only imagine what that really is like) but in a way, I think I get a glimpse of it when certain life things trigger sensations. Whenever I get this feeling, it makes me extremely grateful to be alive (you know, despite life’s hardships) and I end up crying a little bit. Truly, through sometimes inexplicable mental and bodily functions, it is made clear to me how being human is complex and amazing.

It also makes me think sometimes, that while I spend some waking moments disappointed in how I pursue life, I am happy to be me. I feel like it’s a blessing (maybe even a superpower of sorts) to have very meaningful moments in small, seemingly mundane things. But having that thing that no one else and only you can understand is quite special.

Even reveling in that realization is a happy thing in itself. (How meta.)